FAMILY VALUES OVERRATED?

 The Disciples' View:  Marriage = Stumbling Block = Adultery Trap

 Matthew 19

 In response to a tricky legal question from the Pharisees designed to entrap him, Jesus explained the rules of divorce as they were at the beginning of creation:  "Whoever divorces his wife, except for infidelity, commits adultery."  Matthew 19: 9.  Upon hearing this rather straightforward teaching, we are told that the disciples reacted in amazement:  "If this is the situation between a man and a woman, then it is better not to marry."  Matthew 19:10.   

 Let us consider this rather startling statement, or more to the point a confession, from Jesus' disciples. They were essentially saying that from the standpoint of the Jewish Law, as originally and properly interpreted, by getting married you were just asking for trouble.  In other words, if what Jesus said was true, which of course it was, marriage was basically an adultery trap. But all that Jesus said in the prior verse was that (1) marriage was for life and (2) don't cheat on your spouse. Is that so outrageous a demand?  Despite all the challenges of modern-day life, don't we all know married couples, and know of plenty more such couples, who have managed to stay together for life without being unfaithful to each other and without having affairs during their marriage?  I am sure that this was also true in Jesus' day. If so, then why did the disciples react as they did?    

 

Family Values from a Biblical Perspective—The Heart of the Matter or Way Overrated?  

It might be helpful to take a Biblical view of what is generally known today as "family values". In the Old Testament family life was generally characterized by what I would call the three P's: Polygamy (see Abraham's amorous adventures with his new wife and "concubines" after the death of Sarah in Genesis 25:1-7); Promiscuity (See David's response to the Priest concerning ritual purity when David asked that he and his men be allowed to eat the Bread of the Presence, 1 Samuel 21:5, "Then David answered the priest, and said to him, 'Truly, women have been kept from us about three days since I came out'", as if not having sex for three whole days was quite the notable achievement!; and Pandemonium (see Genesis 34 describing how Jacob's sons slaughtered the Canaanites by trickery in retaliation for the rape of their sister Dinah). There are plenty of other examples in the OT of similar dysfunctional episodes. In other words, even by today's loose standards, family life in OT times was generally a chaotic mess.

 But the example of the NT teaching on marriage is more uplifting, right?  Yes, it is, but a rigorous review of NT scripture reveals that Jesus really didn't talk all that much about traditional family life, and when he did it was largely in the negative ( see e.g., Luke 14:26, "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be My disciple" and Mark 3:35, "Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother".)  Paul does discuss in some detail family life at the tail end of some of his epistles, but I think it's fair to say that Paul's overall view of marriage was that you're better off remaining single so as not to be distracted in your earthly service to God (see 1 Corinthians 7:8, "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.")  Indeed, we know very little about the family life of the Apostles because the writers of the NT apparently didn't believe that such details were important enough to record. It would not be unreasonable to assume that many of the Apostles left whatever family life they had in order to preach the Gospel in faraway and dangerous places.

 The bottom line is that from a purely Biblical perspective the overriding emphasis in modern American Christianity, and especially in some Evangelical circles, on the whole notion of "family values" is not warranted. It is a helpful message to be sure, but it is not, as some would have us believe, at the heart of Biblical Christianity, which is rather salvation by grace through Christ's crucifixion and resurrection.